Brandon&Kelly

If I was to Walk away….
Would you not hear.. , what i would say…
All of these shadows ,  The Predators love the prey…

I’m only 3 days old…
Ive only lived what I’ve been told..
The music is what makes this real….
My eyes the blindness steals….

But now that your here… and I’m So Far away…
yet i don’t know if i can face Today…
And all the mistakes… The price we paid…
Slow Learned lament, king for the Day…

I can be the river…and you can Drift For days..
Learn to swim is darkness…learn to run the Maze…
Turn our backs with silence and let our secrets Show…
Understand this moment… and never let me go

Looking at the Distance of Distance
Ive only learned from the Best…
Lets takes this time to bury…move on… and progress
so was it even you and me?
Was it Ever awake from sleep?

Can We Learn to never look back….
Can we learn to never move back….
Can we learn to learn that?

These memories consume…
Like our minds are the wounds…
but nothing can help break The habit…
You’ll drown if you could only Have it…
Down The hole… we Kill the habit…

But now comes the times in which we are “better”
The Countless nights forever ever…
climbing time Like endless ladders…
Broken hearts , They Still can Shatter

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All the things We Love to see Are nothing more then What we want to see them As

Sometimes We have to stop and Really think about the Path that we have walked down in our lives.

The moments that are almost Priceless are the ones that we keep with us until the very end.

Each one of Us Carrying a Story that ends up being our  own best seller.

morals…. Codes… Words….jokes and laughter…

our Formula we use to Create Some of the most powerful moments in our lives…

 

we look around to see nothing but grown body Versions of the innocent children We once were…

So telll me whats the Question And how do we Find the Answer ?

This is the Strangest Life that I have ever known…

Could you give it all back for a chance to start fresh and Never make the Same mistakes again ?

Who cares what the World really looks like when your always Looking down On things.

This is The time to understand that nothing Is made from Lack of Effort or The lack of a lack of Effort.

Murder The one thing in life that can never be brought back…

Puritty and The Reasons of Sin “all alone we meet again”..

on this old broken down chair ..but still the Signs from before are here…

They always Said we’d meet again…

Amazing that sometimes the trade off needed to be made to achive a state of being unlike anything ever known before to man..

is only a few thoughts away from completing This Playground we have all come to enjoy

.I love the friends that we have gathered here on this thin raft… For this is the Land where the Freedom died…

Lets Forget all the things i should have said

We Set Forth the Time when things are nothing more then a memory which we created.

I could hear the slow fragile Door stained with Time Creeping up on the light it Shed..

this moment … the Crime of a life time …  we sit here waiting for it >>>

Its louder then words

like no other chance was ever thought about. Your face is so so Clear…

Old man Foot steps…scare away the shadows of the Good days that follow >>

feeling it all wash away The things that I can no Longer hold Together…

lets un dig ourselfs  from the shallow egg shell minds we have crafted from the finest that life can offer.

Early morning stained Sheets of the adventures of the Night before…

This is the place …. the place in which we cried out for attention…And I dont know how I feel…

GRaceful Are the chances, That i might just allow myself to rain in your head. I have no filters…

For filters tend to Flush away all the unwanted,  blessed are the ones that are lucky enough to see it

… Angel lips … Tainted with the Devils Fire

We Can Freeze time… Hold it Still… like our own picture perfect Photograph..

No negatives to erase… no red eyes To prevent >>> Lets relax to the sounds of our riddles >>

Lets kick back and drown in our Tear filled puddles

lets take back the shape of the Form of a dying mans heart.

Forget all the Things that I should have said… Erased them all and  show the new Skin you Shed

Lady my fingers will do the talking… if your heart can do the Walking..

Lady its all the things I could have said…If you were willing to listen instead…

Left you to try … digging For water >>> Broken my spine .. Plastic people disorder

Do that thing … The thing I always wished you would Never stop Doing ..

Make everything that much better… that much Clearer.. Keep that Pumpin Straight to my heart…

Make me Dizzy on the ultimate over dose of your amazing ways..

Keep Up the Smile that I hand crafted With the best Tools of life..

Dig my self this little hole..

and Call you Every name in the book….

I could fall and Never break…

I could Learn to evaluate…

Drift for days and never fall apart kiss me again… The Queen of my heart…

Double Sided Cynics – The Defected image

My imagination never was a weak point in my mental hobbies…

This was a Strong suit that i wore at times with such a powerful Grin.. that it would make even the shy Fall prey to the lustful moments on this list…

Working a simple job… a district manager for a Small town video store… the name not needed…. but regardless we have all been there…

You know the store front Sign… A quick shaped phrase with the Perfect words inviting you inside….convincing your that late fees were a great investment.

The smell of candy Filled shelves only falling to second place from the screaming colors leaking around the cheap manufactured carpet…

That damn Door always chiming with a soft tone… letting us workers know.. it was time to greet the customers with a perfect fake smile.. and a Cynical view of Interest…

“Hello… welcome to Vins Video store… just let me know if you need anything…” and on this Day… she did…

It was getting closer to closing time… a long hard days work.. but who am I kidding… There was nothing there that could fall into the Category of “hard work”…

I walked around From 9am till closing.. tapping shelves… Making sure that all the Pretty card board boxes that helped aid your choice of Tonights viewing selections was perfectly organized to a madness that was perfected at the price of Minimum wage…

I hated watching all my hard work go to waste when a mother baring what seemed like 100 kids would walk into the store and unleash their “lets touch everything” Madness hands on my just “tapped” up shelves… no really it was called “tapping” the shelves…

They would unleash the terror of the unorganized… by touching… Picking up… and Dropping Everything… the truth was though… that I didn’t mind.. besides it gave me something to do instead of just Stand around..

My “boss” if you can even call her that .. was an angry over weight lesbian woman…

where I was once able to use my Charm on all prior female bosses that had come before her…

My attempts always Failed with her… I would always think about if i had the powers in My tongue to bring her back over to the Cock side…

maybe it would be enough to keep her from looking like an angry Penguin from the 90s movie batman…

Then again Im not sure if even I would be able to stomach such a Task…

She would see us Sitting around.. with not a single person in the store… not a single thing left to do… and always mutter the same few words…. “Why are you guys just sitting around?”

Why? Cause other then walking around and making up mental games that consisted of how many movies were on one shelf,  in hopes that  before your mind was lost.. it would be time to Call it a day… a long hard days work…

The month  was October…

The cold air was amongst the dead leaves that now paved the road.

I always had this thing for this time of the year in NJ…

it was almost like you were either at the start of a great music Video… or the End of a really sad movie…

At least this is how it always looked to me…. You truly can not see California , with out marlon brando’s eyes… Oh well

The over stuffed box of promotional candy sent to us  to give out as a parting gift to all the customers who would rent something…

Was the true down fall of my teeth falling out of my fucking mouth… I ate too much of this crap.. and years later would Regret it like no other.. but thats another Story .. for another list…

There i was.. about 6 fun size bags of M&M’s deep… stuffing my face in hopes to induce a Sugar high that would make the insanity of Working till closing… a little less lethal on my senses…

Like it had done a million times before… the Sound of the front doors battle cry was heard…..

That damn Door needed more then just some WD40.. it needed to be forgiven for all the late night Drop offs that were tainted through its Sliding Slot…

it was a return Slot whore… Tapes and Dvd’s of all sticky messes and broken conditions…and never rewinded…

And to sit back and think .. That This Video store Was a Family video Store which did not Carry porno… makes it easier for me to not throw up into my own mouth as I type this…

I always tried my best to look My best… Even though I was working At a BlockBuster Video store (oops i said the name… oh well maybe no one has read this far anyway),

I always wore my Apparel with such pride… as if i wasn’t just the Guy that you would throw trivial half ass hints at,  when hoping i would know what movie you were looking for… no… I was there to do my job.. and do it well.. and of course…

What better place to meet some of the most hot lonely women i have ever seen in my life then a video store…

They come there hoping to find Something to watch to get their minds off being alone… and other times.. some just grab something to watch to get off in general…

At least this is what fed my mastubitory scenarios at the time… what a sick Fuck I can be.. I know i know…

hey I’m sure we’ve all “worked at a video store” at some point in our lives or minds..

I looked up and saw this girl…. with her  perfected Female insanity… The Perfected strut… It was like she was sent there to Temp me away from the now half filed 2 ton Box of M&M’s that my mouth had grown an addiction to…

I was alone that night in the store minus this new kid that i had hired only a few weeks before…

He knew barely nothing.. but dead honest would make me Laugh cause he had this Voice and hair cut that made him seem like something that was Straight out of a comic book…

you know the Type…

I Almost had to slap myself awake to not keep imagining  that I had some how hired Screech from saved by the bell to work as a CSR (customer service rep)
and with my A.D.D this was easier thought then done…

I didn’t do it to cock block… but instead I just knew what a waste this would have been if i had Sent Screech over to help this perfected beauty with her selection of the night…

The poor kid wouldn’t Know what to do with it if I held it for him and kept the lights on…

As i pushed the rest of a Freshly opened pack of m&m’s into my mouth in hopes of getting to her before he did…

Frantic.. like how I would picture a starving Person eating for the first time in weeks…

I finished up and had just enough time to catch a reflection of myself in the silver tinted Windows that lined the Front of the store…

Hair… check… good posture  … check…shirt Fixed and tucked in… Check…. Dylan Mckay squinted eyes.. Check… lets go.. i got this

As I approached her i could See her Silk like hair… Reflecting the same Lights of the damned that only minutes before were falling prey on to that cheap manufactured carpet below…

Now it was making her hair look like it was electronic love… calling out to me.. saying…

“Hey vin… I know you see me… Make me all Fucked up looking like i was just head banging for 4 hours straight with not a single thing to Drink ..and while holding my breath….”

The moment came…. it was time to throw my line…

“Hey hows it going anything i can help you with?” .

I know i know… So hot huh?  I was Such a “Please be kind and rewind” pimp…

She turned to me with a surprise…

I guess I had Perfect the “quite” walk around the store when trying to avoid my angry over sized lesbian boss…

I would at times go unnoticed while Standing at the Nintendo 64 demo booth playing 007 for what seemed like only a few minutes..

but truth be told….. at times it would be lunch Time before I was yelled at….

I guess I could say I had perfected killing time in this place…

“yes” she said…

and that Very Moment….

The moment that  I’m sure all Guys know what I’m talking about…

when you watch a sexy and unknowingly wanted woman notice you.. and without trying.. show interest…

This was my Cue to give a enough of a smile to create the butterfly effect .. but not enough to let her know i wouldn’t be charging her for her rental on this evening…

“I’m looking for Something hot”…. She said… Her eyes looking like she was a powerful tiger stalking her prey…

Now… for everyone that knows me.. this is like a Dream come true…

These are things that I think about people saying all the time..

but it never happens..  it only plays out in my Mind… but before I could hump her leg like a rabid dog in heat….

It dawned on me.. being myself a very big Marilyn  Monroe Fan.. I knew she was talking about the 1959 movie.. “Some like it hot”…

At which point I corrected her… which provided an instantaneous Change from customer.. to flirting…

and until this day ..

I have no idea if she meant to do this… maybe what i thought was luck.. was nothing more then The amazing power that all women possess… The power of game…

My Species can be So easily fooled at times i swear… its like our Minds our directly wired to our penis…

I won’t go into detail about what was said or what game if any was spit that day…

But i like to skip past that and Recall that for about 3 months after that… each day she would come in and Get something “hot”…

Be it In the back room while watching the rest of the store still going about its own innocent activities through the security cameras….

or after closing the store late at night…. on top of the return counter….

where only a few hours early right under that same counter…

My mouth would Switch gears and Try and tackle that 2 ton Box of Promotional m&m’s…

So many times that “Screech” would knock on the door…

I’m sure he knew what was going on…

He would ask me something that only a manger could help with…

and I would with the most mature firmness of authority  in my voice would  say

“I will be there in a minute..”  or “just Give them a free rental coupon, I’ll take care of it later”…

other times it was like playing magic penis magician with trying to hide a freshly withdrawn erection while having to walk outside of the backroom to attend to my manager Duties..

who knows.. maybe i have a small… or maybe it was just big enough to hide tucked under my belt buckle…

Whatever the case might have been…

Memories still  fill my mind from time to time  about the Many friday nights that would seem to drag on forever..

while my friends were out having a good time on a Friday night.. all I could think of was… I hope that they are Still around when I get out of work at 11pm…

It was Funny how Things worked back then… if you weren’t around when the plans started on a friday night…

you weren’t going to be around at all… This was before Cell phones we common.. Good luck getting a call back after texting someone on a Friday night…

and then.. right when you thought you were Doomed in your own mental “over time” hell…

I would look up and see her standing by a Shelf of movies…

She would look over and give me this look that can only be seen in a dog when its sitting there watching you eat and craving a piece of what you have…

now I’m not calling her a dog… more so just trying to explain the intense look that she wanted .. something i had…

we would make Eye contact… then she would give that smirk…  and then I would take an “early Smoke break”….

She made working a 9am to 11pm never feel like over time..
As time went by… the leaves Turned into Crumbs… Swept into Bags and tossed to the side of the Road for pick up….

The cool air Started to slowly Turn into humid early darkening days… and My time as a manger at this video store eventually Came to a halt…

Years later it would be closed down and become a thing of the past and an addition to this List…

Just like She was and still is…

A few years later I would be working at my parents pizza shop… and you guessed it…

I look up.. to see this Fine… perfected legged… working class business  woman… her dress tightly wrapped around her figure… as though it was screaming.. I dare you vin….

I looked up with the same Look and squinted eyes i had used years before…

“Can I help you?” i said..

“yes can I have a Large coffee to go” she responded

“hot or cold?” i said…

I will never Forget the look in her eyes at that very moment when she Came to realizing who i was and WHO she was talking to…

i will never forget That video store…that back room…that counter or the 50 cavities that i got from all them m&m’s that year….

Memories are Priceless adventures that we have taken our minds on… and this was one that filled the pages on The list.

ps… If your still out there… I now work from home and being my own boss… Means i can take as many “smoke” breaks as I see fit 😉

A time in a place thats forever a memory.

I like to recall times of my past that seem like reruns of the mind..

This was a year that nothing could mess with… Everything was new… Everything was perfected without the slightest bit of Effort… things happened and just worked.. and you never stopped to think or Ask why…

we have all been there before… A Carefree time in your life when things were nothing more then one Great time after the other… and you didn’t even have to try to be “cool” or make it happen… things just had a Life of its own..

“Where are we going? how do we Do it? and whats your name?”

Slowly Sitting back in a hand me down sofa that was once in the living room of your average normal nj Family…. was now in my basement… filled with posters of the things that I wish i could be.. and the things that i could have never understood… God knows I still don’t get half the things that took place in this time.. but I sure as hell can Recall them..

It was a day filled with rain… The Best kind… where its not so much a thunderStorm… as it is Random scattered strikes of lighting… you swear to yourself… there must be thunder out there some where… you just can’t hear..

Lighting up more then needed amounts of Forrest green in scent sticks… The air became Filled with the very message of Rock n Roll…. nirvana playing on Loop on an Old Disk Man that was hooked up to yet another great find of a Radio…

Back then you would listen to a Song.. and not really try to find the meaning… but more so try and act the scenes that it would place into your mind…. “With the lights out… its less dangerous”

no idea what that meant at the time… But being Surrounded by Black lights and glowing neon posters… it just had deeper meaning at the moment…

lighting up one cigarette after the other… each new track was a reason to light up another smoke… Did I use a normal Lighter? no… of course not .. that would have been too generic…. a Zippo was what was needed… to show originality and personality.. You know the kind… Bought from the local mall and filled with the first attempt at responsibility… and I say this because letting your 15 year old handle his own burning fuel Source was a long shot chance any parent would take back then…

The windows open…. nothing but the sound of that NJ heavy thick Drops of Rain hitting the dirt ground outside…I would sit back and try and link the sounds to the Drums i would be hearing From the music…

In a matter of a few Mins… she would be there…. She would arrive.. and i would have my first attempt in that very Day of being “Cool” …

baby doll Dress wearing… Doc Martins…. and a flannel over her pale yet smooth shoulders…. This was the Early Signs of a total turn on…

She would blend in perfect with the black lights.. the posters… the teenage angst that was screaming out of the stereo speakers…. she would only embed into my Memory the same intense scent that the Smell of a freshly filled zippo being lit in the cold NJ winter air…. 30 years later I still can Recall and fall in love all over again each time i think of the Vanilla perfume that she wore… I could have spent a life time just engulfing myself in her amazing scent…

I was senseless and Scentless …

The Cool air passing Down the Window… Creeping down the walls.. and playing war with overly lit in scents that filled the air…. The Door bell would Ring and my heart would race as I knew it was my time to be the Rock star… this was my World… and i was Creating history with nothing more then a few objects of the 90s and an imagination that would take things to a point of no Return…

I opened the Door which was a garage door… it was Great… the ultimate eye porn… it would Slowly start to open… First Showing a pair of Doc martins… then a pair of knee high stockings…. Then the start of a baby doll dress…. in that moment… the words “I am … Doll eyes….Doll parts…” Would Rush through my mind…

By the time the garage had gotten to her soft skin on her neck… My heart was in Over drive and my imagination was wild…. In a few moments… She would be in my World… my rules… My Scents…. My Music and my Actions…

The soft Smile from Her Perfectly shaped lips consumed me like nothing else…. there i was .. smoking a marlboro red…. Looking like i had perfected the act of looking cool while getting cancer.. our eyes would connect at the very last moment of the garagedoor coming to a full open stop…

“hey!”

Each time she said it … I would fall in love… Easily… Effortlessly… and happy each time…

my first words would radiate like the banging of the Drums still playing inside of that Radio….

“Did you miss me?”    “of course i did”

but she had no idea it would take me almost half a life time to really understand the true Meaning of them words and actions…

Slowly battling My thoughts and mind… as we Sat there “watching a movie”… no one ever watched the movie…. we only saw the opening Scene and the closing Credits… then we knew it would be time for her to leave To go Home soon..

that moment… where you know what you want to happen.. and you know it will happen.. but you must Find a way to make it happen…

The jokes that Went back and fourth…. You create your own Punch lines as you go…. you get closer…..

With each attempt at a reason to be face to face…. I would Crack out one joke after the other… the problem is that most of the time… in these Situations.. the jokes Suck.. and they are just that.. a reason to Get her laughing.. but you see.. I’m a Funny guy… always have been… she was really laughing….

i would grasp into my mind something that she would say and Repeat it over and over… almost teasing…. But enough to make her appear only inches aways from my face… telling me “STOP IT!!” she was joking.. and I was getting turned on with each and every attempt…

The last move… tickling… thats what it would take…. It would start with me asking her…. “are you ticklish?” of course she would say … yes….. and I would just have to Find out for myself just how much so she was….

What would start as a poke on the ribs… would move to a stroke of the neck… which would in turn place her Right on top of me…

Something about making out … your first making out’s how i like to call them… its like an animal aspect takes over your body and all you want to do is make her breath the musical notes of your passionate heart and thoughts…

Her lips we were like perfected madness… Each time we kissed i could Taste some kind of Strawberry lip balm… always wondering to myself… how did you come to be So Perfect…. When Did god Take so much time out of his busy Schedule to Create Such perfection… it surely must have taken a life time .. no?

this was a time when it wasn’t about if you had the body that almost all women crazy these days… it wasn’t about having a Bank account that is big enough to keep even the most high maintenance whores happy… This was about being the best you could be.. and just letting your Soul and mind and body sync together…

Hours and hours of Nothing more then Making out…. Dry humping and heavy breathing that till this day still makes me Crave her Touch and taste…. perfected madness and I was losing my mind with each and Every kiss…

no one knew how to remove a Bra back then.. yeah you could think that you were a master at it cause you had maybe at tops… twice before… But something about seeing her stop the kissing only to say “here let me help you with that” .. could it be? She wanted this as much as I wanted to do it…

Eyes closed… Hearts pumping.. hands wondering…. Slowly around her perfectly Shaped Body… back then it wasn’t about finding your own version of what you seen on the internet and on Tv and in Society… This was about knowing that you had the world in your hands and perfected beauty was laying next to you…. Catching the perfect hits of that off in the distance Lighting you recalled from before…. each time it would go off… I could see her perfectly shaped eyes staring into Mine…

That storm would last until the Very Last drop was pored down from the heavens…

and it hasn’t Rained for so long… These days … the world sees a Drought… you try and hope you will need an umbrella Soon… but each day is the same as the last … Sunny… with no Chance of rain..

Whatever she might or might not Recall… Either way She still made it on The Vin list.

She eyed me like a pisces when i was weak.

Now we travel from the 90s back into the Future.

“God Gave Rock n Roll to us” and the radio took it away….

Ahhh yes the smoothing sounds of Mp3’s playing at half volume from The Speakers of my desktop work station..

I sit here and think about just what has happen to music… Seems to me that some where along the way of HD…Digital audio…. Surround sound… and the works…. Something happen.. it all started to transform into the worthless shit that we hear these days..

its been years since I have listen to the Radio… I simply refuse to subject my ears to the poor Excuse the world has come to call “Music…

Gone are the days of Finding a new Cd at a friends house … and liking more then just 2 songs out of 20…. now a days its all about the sales and less and less about the quality of the tracks filling up your 19.99 purchase….

Tower records.. Gone… sam Goody… Gone….

We are left with a few clicks of Charge me now as the only part of the music purchasing experience…

Lame.. stale and Shy in comparison to what it used to be.. Don’t get me wrong.. I like being able to have a million songs on my iPhone… easily accessible with a simple flick of a finger…. the endless streams of pandora..

but Fuck me with a 2×4…. I miss holding a cd.. flipping through the pages of Album art that was like an added bonus within itself…

Thank god for mp3… I am able to create a virtual radio station of my likings.. for ever will it be 1994-1999… Never will I have to deal with things like wanna be’s who call them selfs “Rock” or cheap gangster wanna be’s that call them selfs Rappers…

its always a song i like.. its always a memory on playback… and now and then… I recall a track i haven’t heard in years… tap the screen and we are off in the time machine of life…. Flying through the memories of being in a friends Car after Getting his license… the freedom that rang like the bell of a starting race…

There i am in my basement… Windows open… snow Falling… The doors playing through a Simple two Speaker system.. that most of the times… would only play mono… who cared? no one… the music was there.. it was Being enjoyed and thats all that mattered… Now a days I couldn’t name you a single song from people like miley Cyrus.. or so on… but she’s always in the news or on Tmz and so on… yet I can’t name a single song…. yet with my eyes closed i could name you all the nirvana tracks in order on all the cds and Bootlegs…

Mr Record man…. do you know how I am?

Do you know what happen to the quality before quantity ?

Why are we so worried about piracy when half this bullshit out there is nothing more then a few listens and then a delete…

keep your bullshit deluxe remastered bullshit away from me… ill stick with my burned cds and random mix Tapes that are forever imbedded in my mind… the rest is just a right click and Empty trash few clicks away…

At the current moment I am listening to pink floyd “new” Album “The endless river”… Though not new in the sense that this was Recorded years and years ago… it still hits perfect and is worth the full purchase….

again what has become of our Source of entertainment..

Some of which isn’t even good enough to make The Vins List…