Legends are forgotten but a legacy lives forever

if asked what I thought the answer to life was…

“Each day You have to live your life with your voice playing over and over in your head… picture your new fav movie…

its not Written yet..

its not Recorded yet…

But you hear the narration voice Going on….

you let go.. you follow it … your on a ride…

Everything will always work out. Your choices are the prime Location of where your heart ends up placing your mind

These old bodies we carry are just this time around… its our minds… we travel .. we move freely… we create Worlds in which we can fly… we live forever… We understand and know everything perfectly.

Think of the world as a place where if tomorrow you were gone.. what would people say about you?

What would your legacy be?

would your words that you created in your time spent here be enough to butterFly effect someone else’s world even when your gone?

Could you be the final Block in the bridge of someones world that enables them to cross a river of thoughts?

only then will you know that you have reached the highest point in this life.

Nirvana

Don’t let anything stop you from being where you want to be.

There is nothing at all that can not be done with out a little effort or without choices.

You have what it takes.

You just need to break that fourth wall.

See California with Marlon Brando’s eyes

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Influenced by cable Tv… The moment ideas turned kinky into a Holiday Joy

Placing a date on this post as to almost do the same for myself..

I take us back to a time in the late late 90s…. To a small town in bergen county nj… in a fine tuned basement.. that would match the best of them out there…

The night was young… The ideas were flowing… and the limits were set aside… and with little to no effort at all.. another page in the Vins list was created…

Back before a time where almost all forms of Entertainment and ideas came from a www link…. There was Tv… there was HBO … and a little show that was called Real sex…. this for many was the only time paying for premium Cable paid off….

You would see things and learn things from this show that you never thought were even out there… Yet at the same time you always said out loud… “Thats Just crazy”…

but you were only lying to yourself if you tried to believe that none of these things you were seeing… Appealed to you on some kind of level…

moving on to the main part of tonights story….

This was the first time in my life that i saw with my own eyes… and felt with my own hands… just how much a Fucking freak I really could be when tempted and matched up with an equal devil in crime…

The door bell rang like it had done millions of times before…. I had this way of getting ready that was almost Perfected in its own way…

I would always make sure that everything was Perfectly set to a pace that would take little to no Effort on anyones part.. to just be able to sit back and Enjoy … the time… the moment… each other…

I was dating this amazing Girl at the time…. we all know her…. the type that back in high school was wearing baby doll Dresses … carrying lunch boxes… and was at all the local punk shows…. You would see her over and over…

the crowd of people would just disappear… all that would be left was your eyes…. staring into hers like a lust filled trance…. nothing Could remove you from that moment… and right there… I would know that  I just had to have her… but the truth was… she already had me…

Even the way she made my lips feel when i would say her name…. that was like my own personal drug… The way I would tease my ears with each phone call that she made to me… This was the world… she was Miss world… Priceless … Perfected … Heart insanity….

she would call me after getting out of work… at this point we had moved passed having to find reasons to be at the same place at the same time….

We were an item… we were more then something you could place a label on… we were the prime example of what falling in love was… but this time …

I wouldn’t just fall… this was more like a free base jump onto a spike filled pit of Cupids arrows…. and I would rush to the leap…. ahh the Goodness that comes from being young… innocent… and So willing to try it all…

Her Soft voice that was like the purest of music my ears had ever been blessed to hear… Would only be complimented by my racing heart as I would watch in delight as my caller ID would light up.. showing me it was her calling… and it was my heart answering…

“hey” … its such a simple thing… that would set Fire to my heart… and Run electronic thunder through my mind… this was the purest and more intense form of mental Stimulation that i till this day have ever seen.. and felt..

It was almost like a game… Pretend that you weren’t excited… Looking back now i almost could kick myself Directly into the balls when I think that I wish I could have let her know even just a few more times…

how happy i was to receive that call…. that voice… the music of my heart pounding like the beat of a marching bands Drums at a climatic end..

she would go on to ask me what i was doing…. little did she know… I had hours before set up everything to be perfect… the only thing that was missing from my world now .. was her touch… her eyes…

her heart pounding against mine… lights off…. Tv Flicker filling the walls of endless teenage angst posters that were still Around ….

The winter was not kind that year.. the windows of the basement were filled up to the top with The falling snow that had given to the slanted roof tops on the house….

it was amazing.. you could open the window, place a bottle of soda or in my case… a few bottles of snapple… into the snow.. and it was like your own wine cellar, we didn’t drink back then… we never needed to

That night the snow was Slamming down on the earth like a crash of thunder on a perfect summer night storm…

but everything was white… perfected… and wrapped into a package of pre christmas jitters that are priceless in my mind to this day…

She would be there soon.. I knew the time was coming and that was enough to make it hard to sit around… I would chain smoke cigarettes while skipping ahead songs at a time On my favorite cds… its not that i didn’t like what was on … its that My sense’s were on overload… and I was trying to overdose…

ash trays placed in a perfect diamond shape….. The Sofa pillows placed in such a manor that would leave no choice but to be comfortable when the time came to settle down…

The Windows slightly Cracked … just enough to Make it Could enough where cuddling would be a needed commodity.

There is something about the female body when its cold that feels amazing against your warm hands…. its almost like you Can feel each and Ever single tiny Hair and goosebumps with such amplified sensation. The female body to me has always been the perfect drug.. and with an addictive personality , Through the years I’ve learned to Forgive myself For certain actions that might have been better though Through…

as we sat there watching the movie choice the night… she seemed so priceless… So Perfect… under the 3 layers of clothes… i knew was her soft… warm body… my mind couldn’t stop thinking about it for more then a few minutes at a time… with A.D.D this was like a blessing…. as I could constantly Plan my Next move of attack… and a battle that both of us wanted to be part of…

“Oh…. I almost forgot… I got us ice cream…”

She laughed at the thought that maybe i was joking… I mean… of course hot chocolate or something of that nature would have been better off .. since after all it was about 25 degrees outside and snowing…

“Really?” she chuckled as I got up from our comfortable position we had come to lay in… i was laying on my back.. with her head on my chest…

Things couldn’t be better… but of course they could always be upgraded… there was after all mint chocolate chip ice cream.. ben and jerry’s of course…

just a few feet away in the freezer… though.. i guess looking back on it… I could have only made this story better by utilizing my window method for the ice cream like i had done for the Snapple..

I got up slowly enough to take note of her eyes as they followed me around the room in the dark like stalking animal does to its prey…. This turned my mind into a wonder land of lustful sinful wishful games…

as we were eating our ice cream.. I always took thrill in taking little spoon fulls and slowly bringing it to her lips… I just loved watching her Tongue slowly lick the leftover melted ice cream of her lips… at times I couldn’t fight the urge myself to take a quick Taste my slowly kissing her in-between…

As we sat there like perfect examples of life at its finest and fullest… we were changing channels… a mixture of christmas is coming type commercials and some christmas Specials of well known sitcoms polluted the airwaves… back then You had about 50 channels…

if you were lucky.. and all of them had nothing on… Then we hit HBO… and it was Real sex… now this was something that might be the perfect compliment to a Sold winter snow storm Filled night…

The topic of the show that night had to do with A fetish that some people have that involved food… It was actually rather gross and not appealing at all… but it was more so the captivating Look that we both had Staring into the Tube… Of course we didn’t need anything to spark our lustful interest in our minds… as we were both I’m sure looking forward to consuming each other with our touch and lips… but this night something else happened…

as We Both sat there Cracking jokes about what we were seeing on this HBO show… we decided that Hot chocolate would be the perfect thing to add into this mix of ice cream and Mental wonderings… So i once again got up and placed the hot chocolate into the micro wave…

like everything else that i always have done and still do in my life… I over did it… and Cooked the small glass jar to a point where you could watch as smoke was Rising into the Cold air in the room.

We both laughed when i said “yeah this on your body would result in me having sex with freddy krugger” we both laughed… but in that moment.. I knew that she was thinking the same thing that i was thinking… “but if it was to cool down a little bit…”

I dont recall how it happen.. where it started … but What started as a giggling nervous curious venture… Soon turned into both of us on the floor… naked…. rolling around in our ice cream covered bodies…. we could take turns… and ask each other how it Felt..

First with Giggles… then it would turn into what felt BETTER>…

I would tease her Lips with a tiny bit of ice cream that would slowly fall down past her lips and onto her neck…. I would feel her hands tighten around me when the cold would hit her…. and every time I would make sure to kiss her even harder…

She slowly Dropped a huge piece of melting ice cream on my chest…. I wanted to hit the ceiling.. it was Cold… but before i could even register in my mind just how cold it was…. her teeth Were digging into my neck at the perfect moment and placement… it was like taken a shot of whiskey on a cold night to warm up…

her soft tongue slowly running straight down the Middle of My chest…. To my lower stomach …. and around my hips….. before I could even catch my breath…. her cold mouth had Surprised me once again….

sometimes you become over whelmed with the feeling while making love…. While fucking…. whatever you want to call it…. and infact at times … you could do both.. and it would be just as hot.. no matter what the degrees  outside Might be.. winter or not.. This was hot and it was only getting hotter…

no longer being able to resist the urge to be the aggressor… I flipped her over from on top of me with a single motion… I felt and heard her breath leave her… She was shocked .. but not scared… in fact… this is what she wanted and had earned with her actions just a few moments before…

“oh fuck….” She slowly whispered… but it wasn’t like she said it so I could hear it.. it was the natural reaction that her body had… She needed what she was saying.. and I wasn’t going to have her ask again…

I pinned her down Against the floor… both hands above her head…. with a  firm grip to let her know this is where her hands were to stay…

My hands slowly pulling her underwear down just a few inches to let her know.. but not enough to begin to show her just what my intentions were…

Slowly taking her tongue into my mouth while stopping only to lightly bite her lower lip… there was nothing that could stop us now… not even the house coming down on top of us from the unlimited amounts of old man winters Snow storm…

For a second there as I was Running my tongue slowly around the sides of her hips… I could see her hands coming down from where  had placed them…

“uh uh” I whispered to her.. as to motion that it was not time to move them yet…. but before I could be more persistent… her small soft hands were firmly placed around her breast… She was enjoying this as much as she could… and I wasn’t about to stop her…

nor was she going to stop me from taking this to the next level…. Remember the hot chocolate that I over did myself in the microwave with… There it was… The Smoke had died down.. but it wasn’t cooled down by any means….

“oh shit” i heard her whisper to her self…. I thought about it for a second… maybe this was too much… but then again… if it was .. she would have let me know… and with how Connected we were… I would have known…

and besides there was no confusion to be met here… as I watched her hand slowly slide into her now half removed panties…. Slowly watching me while pressuring her self to the thought of what would come next… (all pun intended)

I slowly poured a little bit at first of the hot chocolate… I was still worried that it was too hot… but the moment that it hit her skin…. it was a matter of seconds before it was her hands that were smearing it all over her Naked body… Perfected madness….. I couldn’t stop myself from licking her fingers clean while She Slowly rubbed the rest of the chocolate from her stomach onto her tits…

Sucking her nipples slowly… while the chocolate would harden after being Exposed to the cold air… that just meant… pour more…

This time i slowly poured a lot more on to her tits…. I could have came right there… the look in her eyes… the way that she was telling me such Dirty thoughts with out a Single word… I was in love in so many ways.. that I could have died a million Deaths in that very moment.. and never Stopped once to look back…

With each drop of hot chocolate hitting her body,.. she would dig her nails deep into my skin…. it didn’t hurt… I wanted more…. if it was up to me.. I would let her maul me to death in this moment… This was the peak of visual nirvana…. The senses overloading with an Explosion of Love mixed with lustful kinky thoughts… physical actions of the dirtiest thoughts you have ever had….

I can’t tell you how long This all lasted that night… I cant recall just how many times she would cum from my tongue … but i can tell you that i ate enough chocolate that night to turn me into a fat kid again….. I couldn’t get enough….

When we were done… we sat there….. silent at first while we both tried to catch  our breathes…

Silently staring up at the glow in the dark star covered ceiling of that basement… the cold are Rushing in for the window… as in our moment we had failed to see the Snowing had turned into a blizzard…. she wasn’t going anywhere that night… and she didn’t have to…

We laughed when we knew there was no way to explain This scene of ice cream and hot chocolate to anyone… it was everywhere…

that night we snuck into the shower together … and I like to say that the sight of the left overs we helped each other clean off our bodies… was the reason we ended up having sex in the shower for hours on end….But the truth was that we had broke that fourth wall… we left all morals… all rules… all worries behind… and let out selfs truly be ourselves…

That basement Is long gone… and I no longer eat mint ice cream because it never tasted the same to me after she was gone… but the memories are enough for me to always give a second look and a funny little grin to myself in the food store when I pass by the Hot chocolate isle…

Thank you…. Maybe you will never read this… but I know that you don’t need to… cause you lived it.

You have truly made the pages of my Fantasies perfected

Merry Christmas and Happy new years

As we Dance in this Moon light…

As i passed you.. in the door way…

You took me with a glance…

I should have taken that last bus home.. but I asked you for a dance..

The Steady pictures in my mind to remind me of a place I want to visit again.. but never been to.

I disobey all my first instincts and just allow my mind to Follow you into the dark room we call our minds..

I dance in this moon light… and its got me caught in this Spot light… but its 3 am.. and I’m on the streets again…

I took chance with another warning…. i’ll never be Home again…

But Were steady… and we study… all the pictures…

I always look so great in my pants…

The boss says we’ve Gone crazy… but its the means to justify the End..

and I’m dancing in the spot light… You know I’m feeling all right… and its all night .. its all nice… This moon Light..

on a hot warm summer night..

Should have gone home… but that last bus is long gone…

I can’t beg you to hold my hand… but I can pray that i never lose that chance…

and you’ve caught me in the moon light… the chance to make it all Right… and its all night …its all Right… in this moonLight…

on a cold hot summer night….

Lets Forget all the things i should have said

We Set Forth the Time when things are nothing more then a memory which we created.

I could hear the slow fragile Door stained with Time Creeping up on the light it Shed..

this moment … the Crime of a life time …  we sit here waiting for it >>>

Its louder then words

like no other chance was ever thought about. Your face is so so Clear…

Old man Foot steps…scare away the shadows of the Good days that follow >>

feeling it all wash away The things that I can no Longer hold Together…

lets un dig ourselfs  from the shallow egg shell minds we have crafted from the finest that life can offer.

Early morning stained Sheets of the adventures of the Night before…

This is the place …. the place in which we cried out for attention…And I dont know how I feel…

GRaceful Are the chances, That i might just allow myself to rain in your head. I have no filters…

For filters tend to Flush away all the unwanted,  blessed are the ones that are lucky enough to see it

… Angel lips … Tainted with the Devils Fire

We Can Freeze time… Hold it Still… like our own picture perfect Photograph..

No negatives to erase… no red eyes To prevent >>> Lets relax to the sounds of our riddles >>

Lets kick back and drown in our Tear filled puddles

lets take back the shape of the Form of a dying mans heart.

Forget all the Things that I should have said… Erased them all and  show the new Skin you Shed

Lady my fingers will do the talking… if your heart can do the Walking..

Lady its all the things I could have said…If you were willing to listen instead…

Left you to try … digging For water >>> Broken my spine .. Plastic people disorder

Do that thing … The thing I always wished you would Never stop Doing ..

Make everything that much better… that much Clearer.. Keep that Pumpin Straight to my heart…

Make me Dizzy on the ultimate over dose of your amazing ways..

Keep Up the Smile that I hand crafted With the best Tools of life..

Dig my self this little hole..

and Call you Every name in the book….

I could fall and Never break…

I could Learn to evaluate…

Drift for days and never fall apart kiss me again… The Queen of my heart…

Double Sided Cynics – The Defected image

My imagination never was a weak point in my mental hobbies…

This was a Strong suit that i wore at times with such a powerful Grin.. that it would make even the shy Fall prey to the lustful moments on this list…

Working a simple job… a district manager for a Small town video store… the name not needed…. but regardless we have all been there…

You know the store front Sign… A quick shaped phrase with the Perfect words inviting you inside….convincing your that late fees were a great investment.

The smell of candy Filled shelves only falling to second place from the screaming colors leaking around the cheap manufactured carpet…

That damn Door always chiming with a soft tone… letting us workers know.. it was time to greet the customers with a perfect fake smile.. and a Cynical view of Interest…

“Hello… welcome to Vins Video store… just let me know if you need anything…” and on this Day… she did…

It was getting closer to closing time… a long hard days work.. but who am I kidding… There was nothing there that could fall into the Category of “hard work”…

I walked around From 9am till closing.. tapping shelves… Making sure that all the Pretty card board boxes that helped aid your choice of Tonights viewing selections was perfectly organized to a madness that was perfected at the price of Minimum wage…

I hated watching all my hard work go to waste when a mother baring what seemed like 100 kids would walk into the store and unleash their “lets touch everything” Madness hands on my just “tapped” up shelves… no really it was called “tapping” the shelves…

They would unleash the terror of the unorganized… by touching… Picking up… and Dropping Everything… the truth was though… that I didn’t mind.. besides it gave me something to do instead of just Stand around..

My “boss” if you can even call her that .. was an angry over weight lesbian woman…

where I was once able to use my Charm on all prior female bosses that had come before her…

My attempts always Failed with her… I would always think about if i had the powers in My tongue to bring her back over to the Cock side…

maybe it would be enough to keep her from looking like an angry Penguin from the 90s movie batman…

Then again Im not sure if even I would be able to stomach such a Task…

She would see us Sitting around.. with not a single person in the store… not a single thing left to do… and always mutter the same few words…. “Why are you guys just sitting around?”

Why? Cause other then walking around and making up mental games that consisted of how many movies were on one shelf,  in hopes that  before your mind was lost.. it would be time to Call it a day… a long hard days work…

The month  was October…

The cold air was amongst the dead leaves that now paved the road.

I always had this thing for this time of the year in NJ…

it was almost like you were either at the start of a great music Video… or the End of a really sad movie…

At least this is how it always looked to me…. You truly can not see California , with out marlon brando’s eyes… Oh well

The over stuffed box of promotional candy sent to us  to give out as a parting gift to all the customers who would rent something…

Was the true down fall of my teeth falling out of my fucking mouth… I ate too much of this crap.. and years later would Regret it like no other.. but thats another Story .. for another list…

There i was.. about 6 fun size bags of M&M’s deep… stuffing my face in hopes to induce a Sugar high that would make the insanity of Working till closing… a little less lethal on my senses…

Like it had done a million times before… the Sound of the front doors battle cry was heard…..

That damn Door needed more then just some WD40.. it needed to be forgiven for all the late night Drop offs that were tainted through its Sliding Slot…

it was a return Slot whore… Tapes and Dvd’s of all sticky messes and broken conditions…and never rewinded…

And to sit back and think .. That This Video store Was a Family video Store which did not Carry porno… makes it easier for me to not throw up into my own mouth as I type this…

I always tried my best to look My best… Even though I was working At a BlockBuster Video store (oops i said the name… oh well maybe no one has read this far anyway),

I always wore my Apparel with such pride… as if i wasn’t just the Guy that you would throw trivial half ass hints at,  when hoping i would know what movie you were looking for… no… I was there to do my job.. and do it well.. and of course…

What better place to meet some of the most hot lonely women i have ever seen in my life then a video store…

They come there hoping to find Something to watch to get their minds off being alone… and other times.. some just grab something to watch to get off in general…

At least this is what fed my mastubitory scenarios at the time… what a sick Fuck I can be.. I know i know…

hey I’m sure we’ve all “worked at a video store” at some point in our lives or minds..

I looked up and saw this girl…. with her  perfected Female insanity… The Perfected strut… It was like she was sent there to Temp me away from the now half filed 2 ton Box of M&M’s that my mouth had grown an addiction to…

I was alone that night in the store minus this new kid that i had hired only a few weeks before…

He knew barely nothing.. but dead honest would make me Laugh cause he had this Voice and hair cut that made him seem like something that was Straight out of a comic book…

you know the Type…

I Almost had to slap myself awake to not keep imagining  that I had some how hired Screech from saved by the bell to work as a CSR (customer service rep)
and with my A.D.D this was easier thought then done…

I didn’t do it to cock block… but instead I just knew what a waste this would have been if i had Sent Screech over to help this perfected beauty with her selection of the night…

The poor kid wouldn’t Know what to do with it if I held it for him and kept the lights on…

As i pushed the rest of a Freshly opened pack of m&m’s into my mouth in hopes of getting to her before he did…

Frantic.. like how I would picture a starving Person eating for the first time in weeks…

I finished up and had just enough time to catch a reflection of myself in the silver tinted Windows that lined the Front of the store…

Hair… check… good posture  … check…shirt Fixed and tucked in… Check…. Dylan Mckay squinted eyes.. Check… lets go.. i got this

As I approached her i could See her Silk like hair… Reflecting the same Lights of the damned that only minutes before were falling prey on to that cheap manufactured carpet below…

Now it was making her hair look like it was electronic love… calling out to me.. saying…

“Hey vin… I know you see me… Make me all Fucked up looking like i was just head banging for 4 hours straight with not a single thing to Drink ..and while holding my breath….”

The moment came…. it was time to throw my line…

“Hey hows it going anything i can help you with?” .

I know i know… So hot huh?  I was Such a “Please be kind and rewind” pimp…

She turned to me with a surprise…

I guess I had Perfect the “quite” walk around the store when trying to avoid my angry over sized lesbian boss…

I would at times go unnoticed while Standing at the Nintendo 64 demo booth playing 007 for what seemed like only a few minutes..

but truth be told….. at times it would be lunch Time before I was yelled at….

I guess I could say I had perfected killing time in this place…

“yes” she said…

and that Very Moment….

The moment that  I’m sure all Guys know what I’m talking about…

when you watch a sexy and unknowingly wanted woman notice you.. and without trying.. show interest…

This was my Cue to give a enough of a smile to create the butterfly effect .. but not enough to let her know i wouldn’t be charging her for her rental on this evening…

“I’m looking for Something hot”…. She said… Her eyes looking like she was a powerful tiger stalking her prey…

Now… for everyone that knows me.. this is like a Dream come true…

These are things that I think about people saying all the time..

but it never happens..  it only plays out in my Mind… but before I could hump her leg like a rabid dog in heat….

It dawned on me.. being myself a very big Marilyn  Monroe Fan.. I knew she was talking about the 1959 movie.. “Some like it hot”…

At which point I corrected her… which provided an instantaneous Change from customer.. to flirting…

and until this day ..

I have no idea if she meant to do this… maybe what i thought was luck.. was nothing more then The amazing power that all women possess… The power of game…

My Species can be So easily fooled at times i swear… its like our Minds our directly wired to our penis…

I won’t go into detail about what was said or what game if any was spit that day…

But i like to skip past that and Recall that for about 3 months after that… each day she would come in and Get something “hot”…

Be it In the back room while watching the rest of the store still going about its own innocent activities through the security cameras….

or after closing the store late at night…. on top of the return counter….

where only a few hours early right under that same counter…

My mouth would Switch gears and Try and tackle that 2 ton Box of Promotional m&m’s…

So many times that “Screech” would knock on the door…

I’m sure he knew what was going on…

He would ask me something that only a manger could help with…

and I would with the most mature firmness of authority  in my voice would  say

“I will be there in a minute..”  or “just Give them a free rental coupon, I’ll take care of it later”…

other times it was like playing magic penis magician with trying to hide a freshly withdrawn erection while having to walk outside of the backroom to attend to my manager Duties..

who knows.. maybe i have a small… or maybe it was just big enough to hide tucked under my belt buckle…

Whatever the case might have been…

Memories still  fill my mind from time to time  about the Many friday nights that would seem to drag on forever..

while my friends were out having a good time on a Friday night.. all I could think of was… I hope that they are Still around when I get out of work at 11pm…

It was Funny how Things worked back then… if you weren’t around when the plans started on a friday night…

you weren’t going to be around at all… This was before Cell phones we common.. Good luck getting a call back after texting someone on a Friday night…

and then.. right when you thought you were Doomed in your own mental “over time” hell…

I would look up and see her standing by a Shelf of movies…

She would look over and give me this look that can only be seen in a dog when its sitting there watching you eat and craving a piece of what you have…

now I’m not calling her a dog… more so just trying to explain the intense look that she wanted .. something i had…

we would make Eye contact… then she would give that smirk…  and then I would take an “early Smoke break”….

She made working a 9am to 11pm never feel like over time..
As time went by… the leaves Turned into Crumbs… Swept into Bags and tossed to the side of the Road for pick up….

The cool air Started to slowly Turn into humid early darkening days… and My time as a manger at this video store eventually Came to a halt…

Years later it would be closed down and become a thing of the past and an addition to this List…

Just like She was and still is…

A few years later I would be working at my parents pizza shop… and you guessed it…

I look up.. to see this Fine… perfected legged… working class business  woman… her dress tightly wrapped around her figure… as though it was screaming.. I dare you vin….

I looked up with the same Look and squinted eyes i had used years before…

“Can I help you?” i said..

“yes can I have a Large coffee to go” she responded

“hot or cold?” i said…

I will never Forget the look in her eyes at that very moment when she Came to realizing who i was and WHO she was talking to…

i will never forget That video store…that back room…that counter or the 50 cavities that i got from all them m&m’s that year….

Memories are Priceless adventures that we have taken our minds on… and this was one that filled the pages on The list.

ps… If your still out there… I now work from home and being my own boss… Means i can take as many “smoke” breaks as I see fit 😉

A time in a place thats forever a memory.

I like to recall times of my past that seem like reruns of the mind..

This was a year that nothing could mess with… Everything was new… Everything was perfected without the slightest bit of Effort… things happened and just worked.. and you never stopped to think or Ask why…

we have all been there before… A Carefree time in your life when things were nothing more then one Great time after the other… and you didn’t even have to try to be “cool” or make it happen… things just had a Life of its own..

“Where are we going? how do we Do it? and whats your name?”

Slowly Sitting back in a hand me down sofa that was once in the living room of your average normal nj Family…. was now in my basement… filled with posters of the things that I wish i could be.. and the things that i could have never understood… God knows I still don’t get half the things that took place in this time.. but I sure as hell can Recall them..

It was a day filled with rain… The Best kind… where its not so much a thunderStorm… as it is Random scattered strikes of lighting… you swear to yourself… there must be thunder out there some where… you just can’t hear..

Lighting up more then needed amounts of Forrest green in scent sticks… The air became Filled with the very message of Rock n Roll…. nirvana playing on Loop on an Old Disk Man that was hooked up to yet another great find of a Radio…

Back then you would listen to a Song.. and not really try to find the meaning… but more so try and act the scenes that it would place into your mind…. “With the lights out… its less dangerous”

no idea what that meant at the time… But being Surrounded by Black lights and glowing neon posters… it just had deeper meaning at the moment…

lighting up one cigarette after the other… each new track was a reason to light up another smoke… Did I use a normal Lighter? no… of course not .. that would have been too generic…. a Zippo was what was needed… to show originality and personality.. You know the kind… Bought from the local mall and filled with the first attempt at responsibility… and I say this because letting your 15 year old handle his own burning fuel Source was a long shot chance any parent would take back then…

The windows open…. nothing but the sound of that NJ heavy thick Drops of Rain hitting the dirt ground outside…I would sit back and try and link the sounds to the Drums i would be hearing From the music…

In a matter of a few Mins… she would be there…. She would arrive.. and i would have my first attempt in that very Day of being “Cool” …

baby doll Dress wearing… Doc Martins…. and a flannel over her pale yet smooth shoulders…. This was the Early Signs of a total turn on…

She would blend in perfect with the black lights.. the posters… the teenage angst that was screaming out of the stereo speakers…. she would only embed into my Memory the same intense scent that the Smell of a freshly filled zippo being lit in the cold NJ winter air…. 30 years later I still can Recall and fall in love all over again each time i think of the Vanilla perfume that she wore… I could have spent a life time just engulfing myself in her amazing scent…

I was senseless and Scentless …

The Cool air passing Down the Window… Creeping down the walls.. and playing war with overly lit in scents that filled the air…. The Door bell would Ring and my heart would race as I knew it was my time to be the Rock star… this was my World… and i was Creating history with nothing more then a few objects of the 90s and an imagination that would take things to a point of no Return…

I opened the Door which was a garage door… it was Great… the ultimate eye porn… it would Slowly start to open… First Showing a pair of Doc martins… then a pair of knee high stockings…. Then the start of a baby doll dress…. in that moment… the words “I am … Doll eyes….Doll parts…” Would Rush through my mind…

By the time the garage had gotten to her soft skin on her neck… My heart was in Over drive and my imagination was wild…. In a few moments… She would be in my World… my rules… My Scents…. My Music and my Actions…

The soft Smile from Her Perfectly shaped lips consumed me like nothing else…. there i was .. smoking a marlboro red…. Looking like i had perfected the act of looking cool while getting cancer.. our eyes would connect at the very last moment of the garagedoor coming to a full open stop…

“hey!”

Each time she said it … I would fall in love… Easily… Effortlessly… and happy each time…

my first words would radiate like the banging of the Drums still playing inside of that Radio….

“Did you miss me?”    “of course i did”

but she had no idea it would take me almost half a life time to really understand the true Meaning of them words and actions…

Slowly battling My thoughts and mind… as we Sat there “watching a movie”… no one ever watched the movie…. we only saw the opening Scene and the closing Credits… then we knew it would be time for her to leave To go Home soon..

that moment… where you know what you want to happen.. and you know it will happen.. but you must Find a way to make it happen…

The jokes that Went back and fourth…. You create your own Punch lines as you go…. you get closer…..

With each attempt at a reason to be face to face…. I would Crack out one joke after the other… the problem is that most of the time… in these Situations.. the jokes Suck.. and they are just that.. a reason to Get her laughing.. but you see.. I’m a Funny guy… always have been… she was really laughing….

i would grasp into my mind something that she would say and Repeat it over and over… almost teasing…. But enough to make her appear only inches aways from my face… telling me “STOP IT!!” she was joking.. and I was getting turned on with each and every attempt…

The last move… tickling… thats what it would take…. It would start with me asking her…. “are you ticklish?” of course she would say … yes….. and I would just have to Find out for myself just how much so she was….

What would start as a poke on the ribs… would move to a stroke of the neck… which would in turn place her Right on top of me…

Something about making out … your first making out’s how i like to call them… its like an animal aspect takes over your body and all you want to do is make her breath the musical notes of your passionate heart and thoughts…

Her lips we were like perfected madness… Each time we kissed i could Taste some kind of Strawberry lip balm… always wondering to myself… how did you come to be So Perfect…. When Did god Take so much time out of his busy Schedule to Create Such perfection… it surely must have taken a life time .. no?

this was a time when it wasn’t about if you had the body that almost all women crazy these days… it wasn’t about having a Bank account that is big enough to keep even the most high maintenance whores happy… This was about being the best you could be.. and just letting your Soul and mind and body sync together…

Hours and hours of Nothing more then Making out…. Dry humping and heavy breathing that till this day still makes me Crave her Touch and taste…. perfected madness and I was losing my mind with each and Every kiss…

no one knew how to remove a Bra back then.. yeah you could think that you were a master at it cause you had maybe at tops… twice before… But something about seeing her stop the kissing only to say “here let me help you with that” .. could it be? She wanted this as much as I wanted to do it…

Eyes closed… Hearts pumping.. hands wondering…. Slowly around her perfectly Shaped Body… back then it wasn’t about finding your own version of what you seen on the internet and on Tv and in Society… This was about knowing that you had the world in your hands and perfected beauty was laying next to you…. Catching the perfect hits of that off in the distance Lighting you recalled from before…. each time it would go off… I could see her perfectly shaped eyes staring into Mine…

That storm would last until the Very Last drop was pored down from the heavens…

and it hasn’t Rained for so long… These days … the world sees a Drought… you try and hope you will need an umbrella Soon… but each day is the same as the last … Sunny… with no Chance of rain..

Whatever she might or might not Recall… Either way She still made it on The Vin list.

She eyed me like a pisces when i was weak.

Now we travel from the 90s back into the Future.

“God Gave Rock n Roll to us” and the radio took it away….

Ahhh yes the smoothing sounds of Mp3’s playing at half volume from The Speakers of my desktop work station..

I sit here and think about just what has happen to music… Seems to me that some where along the way of HD…Digital audio…. Surround sound… and the works…. Something happen.. it all started to transform into the worthless shit that we hear these days..

its been years since I have listen to the Radio… I simply refuse to subject my ears to the poor Excuse the world has come to call “Music…

Gone are the days of Finding a new Cd at a friends house … and liking more then just 2 songs out of 20…. now a days its all about the sales and less and less about the quality of the tracks filling up your 19.99 purchase….

Tower records.. Gone… sam Goody… Gone….

We are left with a few clicks of Charge me now as the only part of the music purchasing experience…

Lame.. stale and Shy in comparison to what it used to be.. Don’t get me wrong.. I like being able to have a million songs on my iPhone… easily accessible with a simple flick of a finger…. the endless streams of pandora..

but Fuck me with a 2×4…. I miss holding a cd.. flipping through the pages of Album art that was like an added bonus within itself…

Thank god for mp3… I am able to create a virtual radio station of my likings.. for ever will it be 1994-1999… Never will I have to deal with things like wanna be’s who call them selfs “Rock” or cheap gangster wanna be’s that call them selfs Rappers…

its always a song i like.. its always a memory on playback… and now and then… I recall a track i haven’t heard in years… tap the screen and we are off in the time machine of life…. Flying through the memories of being in a friends Car after Getting his license… the freedom that rang like the bell of a starting race…

There i am in my basement… Windows open… snow Falling… The doors playing through a Simple two Speaker system.. that most of the times… would only play mono… who cared? no one… the music was there.. it was Being enjoyed and thats all that mattered… Now a days I couldn’t name you a single song from people like miley Cyrus.. or so on… but she’s always in the news or on Tmz and so on… yet I can’t name a single song…. yet with my eyes closed i could name you all the nirvana tracks in order on all the cds and Bootlegs…

Mr Record man…. do you know how I am?

Do you know what happen to the quality before quantity ?

Why are we so worried about piracy when half this bullshit out there is nothing more then a few listens and then a delete…

keep your bullshit deluxe remastered bullshit away from me… ill stick with my burned cds and random mix Tapes that are forever imbedded in my mind… the rest is just a right click and Empty trash few clicks away…

At the current moment I am listening to pink floyd “new” Album “The endless river”… Though not new in the sense that this was Recorded years and years ago… it still hits perfect and is worth the full purchase….

again what has become of our Source of entertainment..

Some of which isn’t even good enough to make The Vins List…