Don’t worry things will be just fine and perfected

At times you have to ask your self to look back on your life..

See the things that once were all and understand that change is inevitable, Its the formula of life… Its something that happens at times with little to no effort at all.

This is life’s natural process of Elimination, The filter set in place long before the dawn of time.

Take a look around in your world…. Try and see things as they really are…. we as humans are the most Easily fooled species…

The very moment that everything you know takes on a new face and you start to see the Real meaning of people… your surroundings and your Path in life.

Expect the unexpected to be the best things that have yet to come.

For me I like to think that Ive lived my life with the best feelings in my heart… I just needed to find the right place to apply them feelings…

Out of no where… It appears… Perfected Madness….

The most amazing beauty to ever have my eyes set on… All rules Rewritten… all conclusions made prior… all reset..

The joy of pure Happiness… The thought of a future where nothing can stop the smiles that are created just by presence…

The warm Touch of The bed that we made…. one that needs to be made each time she’s gone… Each time laying there awaiting the return of the queen of hearts…

adoring her every move…Scent…touch….glance…

Fire eyes that light the dark tunnel of Prior uncertainness..

How do you tell her? how do you explain in words a feeling that is more Extreme then the life in which you live… words that Form the Ever lasting bond from heart to Mind… From soul to lips…

You can get down on one knee… and that would only be 5% of the Unlimited amounts that you would like to show her…

You want to share a life… You want to create a world… You want to hold each moment as a priceless work of art…. She is the perfected Masterpiece that you have Spent your whole life trying to discover…

There it is…. Before your eyes…. Glancing through your eyes… Into your soul…. into the depths of your heart…

in that moment.. I know that I love her… In that moment I know that I would Submit myself to her in ways that only others have wished and Dreamed of…

The most beautiful Work of art… The best creation of god… The most priceless gift to ever be given to me…

I will not fail… I will not ever give up.. I will not ever stop telling her the ways in which my world is better because Of just her simple Smile..

All of it.. Is yours bella… and All of me is included.

Chapter 5 “The lunatic is on the grass” – from my Book – “For me and For you” ETA 2015

This is the first time that I have released anything from my book that I have been writing for the better half of 6 years now. Which is Currently in its 18th chapter

This is a story that accounts my life story from pre birth to the current day.

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5

There is a certain moment in life where you can look back and try to track down the Very moment that you developed a “habit” , I dont mean the kind that takes you away from your family and friends and places you on an Episode of cops..

These habits are almost what mature into fetishes… Sometimes not Driven by sexual excitement but rather almost like a personal ritual, From which you accomplish some sort of twisted self gratification.

For me this would Start as a way to hide from the eyes of the world.. To Avoid the comments that I wanted nothing to do with… To maybe get away with not Having to be the center of attention while at the same time being able to enjoy Everything as if you were There…

Voyeur     .. My Good friend that would be with me a life time.. What started as a way to feel like a Secret Spy as a child.. Would be warped into Some of the best tools of the climatic trade…

My first thoughts on this topic bring me back to the late 80s… a Time when almost everyone seemed happy… The world was not about anti Social Androids that Stare mindlessly into their Smart phones and Connected social Network pages…

The 80s For me means one thing… great videos games… amazing sleep overs… and the Freedom that can only be Created by the innocents of youth..

Nintendo was a house hold name in my house… and Mario Brothers was like a distant cousin that stopped by for a never ending sleep over..

MicroWave Popcorn was the Future… VHS was a Standard and being Kind… meant to Rewind…

At this age I was still Skinny… but I already had fat kid habits that were forming… I Wasn’t into sports much, The only time I played though.. I won… which seems like a pattern in my life… Whatever I did.. I always made sure to do it well and to a point where it would create memories that would last a life time..

Looking back I can say without a doubt that I didn’t do it like this because I wanted to be the center spot light on Stage… I did it because then I would be able to quit and have a legacy to look back on… stories that could be told about how I was “Really good” at Something.. Without having to keep going at it..

Confused yet? I don’t blame you… as it used to confuse my mother and family as well.. “Why does he just stop Doing things he’s good at?”

I needed a challenge… Things got bored to me at such a rapid rate that in my later years I would almost place the blame of fallen relationships on that Very thing.. Boredom… I liked the chase…

but was bored once I was branded a hunter.. If that makes any sense to you at all… cause to me.. It not only makes sense.. It brings light to a way I like to live my life. Always room For improvement

So lets venture back to the time machine.. And Take it back into the 80s like I was saying… To a time when I learned that I could see the world very easily through the eyes of others…

For those of you that might be reading this and not from the golden ages … the 80s… The big thing was to have entertainment at your Birthday parties…

no I don’t mean plug up a xbox and hope that the kids wont bother the Parents while they Get pissed face Drunk…

Of course.. They (The parents) still got drunk back then thats for sure… But we had more… We had music playing clowns… We had ET…. We had grown people dressed as all the things that bring Symbolic meanings to a child’s imagination, creating Ballon animals…

Magicians Pulling rabbits out of hats… finding coins behind your ears… and this was all LIVE right before your eyes..

Sometimes they would even earn a “Oooo” From the adults that were sitting in the back of the room watching their kids be easily entertained by a half drunk mid 30s man in a clown suit…

That year we had a magician… you know the Type fellow 80s friends…. He would show up… While you and your friends were still outside playing with your new found Glory…

Your early birthday gifts.. This year it was power wheels… Electronic go cart shaped vehicles that seemed like they would last a life time on one charge…

but the truth was … when you were Done playing your parents would rush to plug them back up to the chargers…

because longer battery life meant longer times your kids were occupied… which In return Meant more time for the adults to be Manchildren .

I was coming around the bend in our Driveway.. Which as you can Recall from the adventure I had with lucky my dog, Was bigger then a mall parking lot… Well… no.. But it was much bigger then the current driveway that I have now in my home..

As I made my way past the bump at the end of the Drive way… I imagined my self a world record holding Monster truck Driver…

My power wheels BigFoot logos Shinning like the freshly Waxed Sports cars that most mid life Crisis older men show off in their corvettes on weekends.

I knew this day was mine.. I knew that I was the king of this Castle.. And I knew that no matter what I did..

There was too many people around for my mother to even think about giving me a birthday beating..

(No come on vin.. Thats just too much now… but no really its not … its happen before… but not today 🙂 )

As I approached the mail box at the end of my driveway… a lesson learned in time… I knew that this was the limit that I could reach without breaching the unwritten contract of parenthood…. It was a simple Lesson…

You leave the drive way… and you leave your tears on the ground behind you when you were Caught… I knew better…

But on this day.. Like any other… faith would play footsies with my ADD riddled mind…. Could my eyes really be seeing this? , Had I lost my mind to an over dose of Chocolate Ice cream Cake and grape Soda?

Had I been able to use more then 15 only words that my child mind was capable of … it would have sounded like this:

“HOLY SHIT!! Its a fucking magician !!”

There he was…. Wearing a cape!!.. I mean shit people come on …. He was wearing a fucking Cape!!

Slowly Pulling up to the curb before gently hitting  it with his Front tire… See… back then… no one gave a shit about Rims….

So all cars came with bullet proof Solid metal rims on a car.. That a little bump on the curb never hurt anyone or anything.. It was almost like a sign that you were now parked good..

I watched in sheer amazement while this man… Dressed up like a half hungover magician that reeked of minimum wage and the party from the night before that he spent his previous days salary on…

I watched this man Slowly start to take out his black boxes that would later contain the first signs of Proving that magic was indeed real..

I mean after all I saw it with my own eyes…. The man had a cape.. And my parents paid good money for it…

As he Slowly turned around from leaning down into his Shit colored Honda hatch back… I noticed something that was even more Magical then the Cape that was now closed in the trunk that he failed to notice before closing it…

He was Smoking a cigarette…

NO WAY!!! A cape and a fucking Stog?!?!

This guy is like a Demi god at this point in my eyes..

I have always thought that smoking was such a sign of being Cool and a status opener to so many Levels..

I dont know what it was but I just knew that This guy was the real deal..

For some reason I knew that I shouldn’t be seeing him smoking… that if he had seen me he would have def or at least I like to think so at least…

Would have tried to not let a child See him smoking … after all he was the damn Magician !!  I mean fuck sake man!! He had A cape!!

So I did the first thing that came to mind.. Before he could see me in my winning stance Monster truck Bigfoot Face…

I slowly put the Power wheels into Reverse and backed into the first little bush that hid the opening that would let you get under the front porch…

The front porch.. Ahh man.. Another place in my world that was more then just a way to Get into the house…

This was at times a cave… a fort… a War bunker…. The secret entrance to castle grey skull… and today.. This was my hide out …. To see exactly what this Magic man was up to …

I sat there and was watching him for no longer then a few mins before I heard someone asking Where “Vincent” was” …. I knew right there that I would be caught sooner or later if I didn’t get back to playing the lead roll in Monster truck mayhem.

Again I have always had a thing for people that smoked… My mom smoked… All my uncles smoked… everyone they knew Smoked, again this was the 80s.. It was ok.. It was “safe” and it was cool

But this wasn’t like what I had seen before… This guy had a problem… maybe he was new at it ?

From where I was parked in my BigFoot… I could see that he would keep trying to re light the cigarette… he would take a few puffs and then he would have to light it again.

The First thought that went through my mind was my uncle… he would make this guy look like such a chump when it came to smoking like a pro.

My uncle could light one up.. And keep it lit I thought to myself… then I chuckled a little to myself as I watched this Cape wearing crusader start to cough like no other,

I was Sure now… he def must be new at this.. My uncle only coughed very rarely … this fuck… was coughing and having to re light it each time !!

I watched him finish up what I thought was the most weak attempt at trying to Pull of smoking that I have ever seen…

Then he did the Ever so Cool butt Flick… Which looking back I swear was a deal maker when it came to me Starting to smoke in HighSchool myself..

Something about a vintage smoker that newbies always lack… that Style and grace they have when it comes to Flicking a still lit and Smoke trailing butt after that last drag… that last drag that always Seems like their lips are having a LipGasm…

With the squint of his eyes…and a simple yet almost natural movement from his middle finger next to this thumb   he flicks it … and there it was flying through the air .. Leaving a smoke trail like a ill fated Rocket….

I watched it the whole time…. For some weird reason I knew what I wanted to do… I wanted to wait till he was gone and go inspect it…. I had this weird habit (there is that word again) of seeing that kind of smokes people smoked…

I thought it was so amazing that everyone had their own brand and colors.. And Sizes…

I even had this “habit” of saving the more “rare” ones in a Secret Spot that I had under the porch… you know the ones… The Virginia slims… the Camel wides… the ones that had the fancy logos…

I would Collect them and save them in a small jar that I had Hidden under the porch… which years later my folks would pay the landscapers to Finally Clean the bushes by the porch.. And along with Bushes that played a huge part on this day with the cape wearing magician not seeing me… they would also be cleaned up…

I waited like a tiger stalking its prey…. I watched this man pack up all this balloons and  magic wands.. And even saw him load up a secret batch of fake plastic flowers into that Wand…

Then when I saw my chance .. I made my move… with the face of a determined hunter and the shitty pants of a Toddler.. Oh what? Did I forget to mention that I used to shit my pants up until I was 9 years old? I know weird right ?!?! Ok enough with that …. I mean really Do you want to know more about this? 😉

Placing My foot on the pedal and putting the BigFoot into forward motion I made My way Slowly to where I had only moment earlier seen the Smoke trail of the Failure of this mans attempt at Smoking…

There it was… Still faintly giving off a smoke trail that can only be described as the aftermath of a plane crash…

just enough to show you where it was..but not enough to start a forrest fire… Thank god too.. Cause this jerk Off had thrown it right into the Dried pile of leafs that only days before aided in my adventures through the “swamp lands”…

Thank god I had an imagination or else I am fully convinced that I would have died of “only child” boredom as a kid.

As I got Closer to the discarded butt… My heart was pounding… I knew that if I was caught… it would be the birthday beating of a life time… everyone would know my secret collection.. And I would have to find a new hobby for sure…

I could hear the music and the laughter still coming from the back yard… even with how Large the house was ..

There was that many people and they were that loud that I could hear them all the way in the front yard…

Down the large sloped grass and all the way to the Curb next to my treasure find and the leafs…

This was my chance… I got out of the Bigfoot powerwheels and made My way over to the Smoke trail…

There it was …. Sitting there like an abandon treasure chest..  I was excited at the idea that I had a new addition to my collection… and as Faith would have it .. This was unlike anything I had ever seen before..

This almost looked ritualistic… no logo…. No filter… and this weird sticky honey like substance on the end where his Cape wearing magic lips had only been a few minutes earlier…

I could smell it… in fact it was burning my eyes… and I had been on plenty of Search and rescue missions for butts many times before..

But nothing was like this…. Cause as you guessed it … This wasn’t a cigarette at all… yep… This was a genuine American handmade home brew joint!!

Now for my Stoner friends that are reading this.. How many times have you wished you could Find a joint just laying there for your taking and smoking?  No no I didnt smoke it… but I def picked it up and held it up to my nose and took a few deep in hails to get the Full smell..

Each time I would get this light headed feeling… but I thought it was that unknown thing that would happen when your young and still exploring..

You know the feeling im talking about… Like when you smell a cologne for the first time and you have instant deja vu and your mind goes blank for a second.. And all you can do is take in the moment and the scents around you…

But now looking back on it… maybe I was getting high with the Magician for all we know… and maybe just maybe..

He saw me there… and left me a few hits so I could with no troubles later… put down another 10 pieces of shit my pants cake when I went back to the party…

What ever the case might have been.. I knew that what I had here was something that was rare… this was unlike the other 20 or so some odd butts that I had collect in my jar under the porch… This would require a lot more care when Storing.

So I decided that I would take my second Jar that I had dedicated to  catching salamanders   and empty out the dirt that was left from the 2 salamanders that im sure had long Since died… Yeah I loved catching them things.. But the concept that they couldn’t live forever in a jar with no air and no food never dawned on me…

So I emptied out the jar… To my shock… one of the salamanders was Still alive…. So I decided that I would just store him in the jar along with this super rare mystical butt….

That day I made it back to The party a few mins later… I had the Secret of a life time… My first Exposure to voyeurism… and the most rare addition to my collection that I had yet to find…

I would never forget this day… as in that moment I recall watching the magician the whole time at my party… making kids laugh… and awww them with his magic…. Shit I mean even the parents at times like I said would be awwwwed by his tricks…

but the whole time … even though I didn’t know how he did half of the tricks he would preform for us..  I did know one thing… he Couldn’t smoke a cigarette like my uncle… and I sure as fuck could eat more cake…

What sticks With me for a life time isn’t that I almost smoked pot at the age of  8 years old… or the Fact that the magician , cape and all…. Was a bitch when it came to smoking cigarettes… but more so was the fact that later that summer… My folks Would fire the landscapers  when they Found what they thought was a Stash jar with a joint roach in it.

I learned a lesson That day.. And it stays with me for a life time…. Make sure to always hide your pot…